1. |
What Does Not Define You
03:47
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Split this distance between happiness and mental disease
Walking this way would take a parting of the seas
I'm avoiding I, having difficulty using present tense, or anything that references the past. The words are tripping over themselves, drunk on trying to purge the worst, and it's losing rhyme or wondering if it ever had reason. Was this always a feeling? The worst of the worry is wearing me down, leads to dragging it on and dragging it out. The words lose their voice without ever having to shout, and the wear is worrying, the words don't fit where they should.
Split this distance between happiness and mental disease
Walking this way would take a parting of the seas
It's coping with the pain that I deal with every day, that makes me act out this way. I could never deal with tragedy but now I can't deal with feeling anything and I'm reminded in the bottom of every bottle I empty. I guess the problem was the scenes replaying in my head were louder than anything you said and to everyone I made sit idly by while they turned to echoes, you're right, the past isn't a love to hold, there's no house to live.
I only know that now because that's the only place I see you all together anymore.
Now in the worry and not knowing the placement of my frame, I wear and worry out the days, the city keeps collapsing around me as it bears the weight, so now I bury myself in warmth where I can find it and wish time softly away.
Split this distance between happiness and mental disease
Walking this way would take a parting of the seas
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2. |
Stubborn Hope
03:49
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December 4th: driving until 4 in the morning.
She said - she said, “you scare me in the most beautiful way.”
Now I’ve just got a pile of clothes that I wish was hers.
The rain on the window says things never end after they begin.
There’s constant reminders that distance took her.
Hair ties on the floor, there’s still pictures in the drawer.
I always hoped hope would stop this.
I didn’t know that night I told you I was lost stayed with you like it did.
I’m writing letters to a past on the back of tattered photographs.
Things you’ve never seen remind me of you,
I look at them and know what you’d say.
Late night drives and I’m at the church again.
(I don't believe in God,)
This is sorry for leaving. This is sorry for making it seem-
(but there’s grace in everything.)
Late night drives and I’m at the church again.
(I don't believe in God,)
I don’t believe in God, but there’s grace in everything.
(but there’s grace in everything.)
I stop thinking
i stop thinking and that feeling of you
Echoes, echoes through my head
I always hoped hope would stop this.
I didn’t know that night I told you "I was lost" stayed with you like it did.
This is sorry. This is sorry. This is.
This is
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3. |
Annotations
04:07
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In the dead of night, my back to the wall, myself on the ground. The house heard me breathe, "someone please bring you home."
I still hear you leaving loud and clear.
I thought it’d go away without you here.
The click of the door behind, the slide of the lock, the hit of your step slip- slipping away down the stairs, away from the porch.
I need this, I need to leave.
I need this like air in my lungs when I’m starting to drown.
Oh God, I’m starting to drown.
You are the moon to the sea,
Please stop pulling away from me.
I'm sorry I'm not the man I should be.
This drink tastes like the first time I told you I love you,
But my lips don't have to move that way anymore.
What do I say now?
What do I say now?
I know, I fucked up.
You are the moon to the sea,
Please stop pulling away from me.
I'm sorry I'm not the man I should be.
Choke down the oceans you are containing,
Every wave threw everything back at me.
Maybe these words were supposed to be coughed up.
Maybe I was meant to taste my own blood.
Maybe these words were supposed to be.
I'm drowning me.
You are the moon to the sea,
Please stop pulling away from me.
I'm sorry I'm not the man I should be.
I wish bodies didn't mend so crookedly.
Please stop pulling away from me.
I'm drowning me.
I can't tell the shore from the ocean.
I can't tell the shore from the ocean.
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4. |
Stay Home
03:00
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I drowned myself in
the letter you left and a bottle,
Telling myself it would make life
Feel less numb.
Pushing towards connection,
The alcohol on my breath,
Rushes to my touch,
My fingers feel drunk.
Stumbling come homes under my breath.
And you told me that one day I'd be okay
and that one day I could find my place
But I can't speak for the fact that I'll stay.
I don't feel safe staying this way.
I made my own wings,
I'm getting closer to falling down.
The sun beats down on my back
And I'd like to fall back to the ground.
Stick another pill between my teeth
Stay up staring at the ceiling
And break into pieces until I feel relief.
The words crashed on my ears like the sea on a postcard sent by someone who loves you but not enough to come back home.
Why did you have to leave?
Why do I have to let every month out into the bathroom sink?
Why did you have to leave?
Why do I have to let every month out into the bathroom sink?
Why do I shake
Why do I lie awake
Why do I
why do i
why do i
why do i have to drink myself to sleep every night?
This blood was meant to be coughed up.
Call me a medic for all your cuts.
I'm sorry I can't be the man I should.
We were beauty but not love.
I'll break into pieces for you.
Call me a medic for this blood.
I'm sorry I can't be the man I should.
We were beauty but not love.
I can't drown you out.
Goddamn these words in my head.
Patch up these holes in my lungs
We were beauty but not love.
We’re drowning each other out.
We were beauty but not love.
The weight of months is keeping you from coming back to me.
We were beauty but not love.
I can't keep my head above.
I can't breathe.
We were beauty but not love.
I can't keep my head above
We were beauty but not love.
The weight of months is keeping you from coming back to me.
We were beauty but not love.
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